Top 10 Achievements Democrats Can Tout Going Into the Midterms

The Babylon Bee

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Polling data shows that Democrats have a chance of losing both chambers of Congress. But it’s not all doom and gloom! Democrats have some noteworthy achievements under their belt that they can cite to remind Americans why they should stay in power.

Here are ten fantastic things the Democrats have accomplished this year:

  1. The standard of living is up 500% among Ukrainian politicians: Wow! Good for them!
  2. Hilarious memes of Biden eating ice cream have increased 40%: Experts agree that laughter improves life span.
  3. Thousands of Americans have been saved from the threat of seeing somebody pray in front of an abortion clinic: By arresting pro-lifers, the FBI is finally doing what they were designed to do.
  4. That Paw Patrol movie was actually pretty ok: Better than the Rings of Power, anyway.
  5. You’ve learned to appreciate the taste of bulk ramen: Pro tip — Buy multiple flavors and then mix up all the packets. Every time you enjoy a bowl you’re playing a game of Ramen roulette!
  6. More women of color are piloting the attack drones that bomb Syrian children: Progress!
  7. Afghani women don’t have to go to school anymore…or work…or make decisions: They can stay home all day to Netflix and chill. You go, gurl!
  8. You bought a house, are slowly paying off your debts and made tons of new friends. (In Animal Crossing): And look at that, you just got approved for a new home loan without even asking. Thanks, Tom Nook!
  9. Bob from Newport got married: Congrats, Bob!
  10. An 800% increase in people missing Trump: Ha! What a bunch of losers!

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